Ivory Tee

The Ivory Holsters Tee is so comfortable it's like a hug from a unicorn....Not the kind where you get trampled. The kind where the unicorn rears up and gently wraps his hooves around you so you can smell the magic in his mane. It's made of a 60/40 cotton poly blend and has been infused with antler essence. It instantly makes you 13.7% more attractive to the opposite sex. Extensive field testing data shows that it actually turns on the Elk rut... even in May. It's completely impervious to baby spit up, motor oil, blood, lighter fluid, nail polish, pond water, cheap whiskey, diaper blowouts, kerosene, coffee and tag soup. It can withstand falling off ladders, and repels mosquitos (the big ones). It keeps the wearer 100% protected from pterodactyl attacks and jackalope stampedes. It's literally the best piece of clothing you can buy.